nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
