One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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