Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
