real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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