i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
