I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
