yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
