Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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