A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
