is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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