Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
