In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
