the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
