She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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