Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
be right there i have to get my cape
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
did i just pee glitter
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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