before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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