Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
