don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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