I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
