i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
