it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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