and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
