Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
