We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
