Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
