Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
