I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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