I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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