The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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