i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
