stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
