You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize