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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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