that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
