If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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