Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm passing your future prison.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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