what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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