He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
