were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
