After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
