Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
