Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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