whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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