I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
