absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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