THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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