Where did you get a picture of my penis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
