were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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