I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
