you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
