If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
