I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
