'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
