Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize