It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
