Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently you make a good broom.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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