Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
