I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
