What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
