I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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