her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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