I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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