its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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