Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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