I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
