I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
