She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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