Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
