I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
