we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
