Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
