Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're making bets on your personal life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
