i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
40s are totally the cure
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
