You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
