bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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