i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And then he peed in my hair
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