fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
