I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
