I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
