Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Come see our sink grown plant.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
