Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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