i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
