I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
