At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
