Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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