I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
