I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
