her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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