I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
