it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
