dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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