Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
