So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
