the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pants are for mortals
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
