And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A bitchslap is in order.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
