just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
