don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
