I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
