Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
