3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
