he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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